self esteem

Today I had my second counseling session. I’m liking my counselor. We realized together that before I can tackle the failure of my marriage, I need to start getting comfortable in my own skin. I spent the last week trying to come up with 10 things I like about myself.  I’d rather have my fingernails pulled out! I did not come up with 10.  Here I stand waving a white flag. I surrender!

The reading this week for today’s session said, “We need to choose to accept our own worth even when another human chooses not to.”

I have struggled to find self worth my entire life.  I’ve willingly accepted other people’s negative words and actions towards me and formed a very negative picture of myself.  I could write a loooong list of my every flaw. Top of the list should probably be that I give other people too much power over me.  People are much too willing to point out your negative features than give you positive feedback. This has left me feeling like I would never measure up. It seemed for every positive step I made, I had even more pressure to do better. It was overwhelming. Everything was always my fault. I have hated every fiber of my being for way too long.

So I am a work in progress and this week I am being forced to finish my list of things I like about myself.